Sometimes there’s nothing to say. Sometimes silence expresses more than words. Picking up the phone, dialing a number, it can do more damage than good, but humans are afflicted with obsessive desire to talk things to death. So we make things worse, just by trying to make it better.
Lately I’ve been contemplating on what my next move might be. I feel like for so long I’ve just been standing still, in the same exact place. Without any progress. It might not be true because I have come along way from that broken girl I was a few months ago, but I’m so far from where I thought I’d be. I thought I’d be happy, I thought that YOU wouldn’t have a place in my mind anymore. I didn’t think I’d still feel the pain, I didn’t think I’d have you appear in my dreams from time to time. I’m disappointed in myself. I want YOU out of my head, & most importantly out of my heart. FOR GOOD.
I don’t know how it happened, but it did. I was undeserving of those moments, & you, you were undeserving of my forgiveness. I guess life’s not fair, but that’s not something new. Maybe I’m having second thoughts about this whole situation, maybe I take back forgiving you & maybe I’m thinking of going straight to forgetting you. Maybe I’m guilty of forgiving you, but I can’t seem to shake off these second thoughts. There’s a first time for everything & a second time for many things, but sure as hell the second time won’t be nothing like the first. So live for all that you love & love as much as you breathe. & when worse comes to worse, I’ll remember you fucked up.
If you ever think about lying to me, just DON’T do it. Cause when I DO find out everything coming from your mouth will sound like complete BULLSHIT to me. JUST BE REAL. Sure I might get mad or upset with you but that’s fixable. I’ll eventually get over it. LYING to me will just deplete TRUST, which is irreparable. Trust is what KEEPS relationships REAL, & healthy. Whether its a friendship or even a love relationship, once you fuck up it’ll NEVER be as good.
Finding someone isn’t about trying to transform yourself into the perfect image of what you think they want. It’s really about being exactly WHO YOU ARE & then finding a person who APPRECIATES that.
Promise yourself to be strong, that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything & make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, & expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past & press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side as long as you are true to the best that is in you
I know I’m not easy to understand. I know I keep a lot inside & I know I’m not the easiest person to read, but it’s okay, because even though there’s a lot about me you’ll never know, there’s a hell of a lot of me you can learn to love.
Trials & tribulations are reason’s why most go through what we go through, but me? I just learn from my surroundings & experience’s combined. Pouring out how I really feel & think about “love” from what I’ve come to know & realize…
Why is that we go in circles with love? We say one thing, but turn around & do the complete opposite. We’ve grown to comfortableness, where change makes it harder for us to deal with. We rather want to live life the same way even though the same life, brings the same results. We play games between our mind & our heart. We like to go against what we feel in our heart & stick with confused thoughts in our mind. We all know that instincts & gut feelings are usually right but we still avoid the obvious in our heart, because our mind doesn’t want us to believe the real truth. We think everything will be ok… but it’s not. It gets harder for us to deal with the situation. We’re stuck, we feel like we can’t get out. We all know it isn’t easy. But what we do know is that it’s easy to live by the same thing we’re all comfortable with. Soon we become immune to the ups & downs, the pity fights, the boredom, the everyday routine, the “sometimes” happiness. We just become immune to the same thing, same life. Again soon enough things start to fall apart. We know we’re not happy, we WANT to fix things & when we say we need this & that so it can work, next thing you know we’re back in that same circle of love. We never learn from our mistakes & sometimes it takes a lot of mistakes to find the truth of what our heart was telling us from the start. When we fall at end, that’s when we learn. Or when something good leaves us, we learn too late. But this is when the circle ends, when that one thing that was so good never comes back. That’s when your heart starts to over rule your mind with thoughts of “I should of, what if’s, I wish I can go back” We never really learn ‘til it’s gone. We never really know love ‘til it leaves.
When exactly do we go from kids to people, I’m not certain. I do know that it’s not about turning a certain age or graduating from high school.. It really happens when you’re not paying attention. We go from playing with our friends to playing with our friends feelings. Without our knowledge or consent, childhood slips away. So the question we all forget to ask is “Do you like the person you’ve become?”
I believe we all write our own stories, & each time we think we know the end — we don’t. Perhaps luck exists somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, & in peace that comes from knowing that you just can’t know it all. You know, life’s funny that way. Once you let go of the wheel, you might end up right where you belong.